She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
