my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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