is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
