Do you still have your period?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
