So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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