Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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