don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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