so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
