Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
