the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
