Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
