I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
