My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This toilet bowl is my home.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
