So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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