remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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