Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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