I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
