im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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