I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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