I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
