i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
