Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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