The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
