hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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