Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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