So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
