so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my being single is dangerous.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
