hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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