I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
