Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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