accomplished twins. life is a go
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
