24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
