Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
