just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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