You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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