the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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