FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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