Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
