It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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