areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
