I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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