i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
