did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
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what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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