All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
