Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
