Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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