I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
