Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
