Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
