Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
