So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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