in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
