They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize