i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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