We won't sleep together?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
