Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
