I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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