Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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