He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
