I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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