I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
