At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
