Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
