Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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